today is our last day at home. its a saturday. probably one of the worst days to have a lot to do. especially since my father wants us to go to some "family thing" he told me about this like...a week ago...then i told tori. at first she said that she only had to go to an event that the Humane Society was putting on. now she has to participate in it, as in walk a cat, and shes going to be going to Heidi's house after. (i hate heidi) i told her already that my father wants us there. but now its "i only have a half tank of gas" i offered her money. she just doesnt want to go. shed rather go to heidi's. so im kinda pissed at her right now, although she doesnt know it.

theres a lot of things going through my mind right now. its hard. its our last day at home. we need to pack the cars, pack the rest of our stuff, she needs to go to the humane society thing, (thats gonna take like....5 hrs) so im going to be packing, and shes going to be walking an effing cat. i havent seen my father now in like...two months or more. and i wont be able to see him until like christmas or after. so whats fair? shes seen heidi all this week, and i havent seen my father in a long time. but hey, thats just my opinion. she gets defensive when i try to ask her to stay home. then she gets all angry and usually storms out, or rolls over.
so ya, im not sure about feelings right now, and i dont know how to handle them .

i guess ill get back to you when we are finally at school.

so here i am. im going into my second semester at Lyndon State College. hmm...and im having one of the most confusing times of my life. last week ,my girlfriend of almost 9 months broke up with me. we were engaged. i still live with her, and we're still going be be dorm mates at school. i promised her that i would give LSC a while, to see if i could handle it. i dont think i can. i jumped into that relationship, but i dont regret it. we might have moved fast, but we were closer then anyone could ever be. and now its over. im not sure what to do. i love LSC, but i feel like i have no real friends there, just good aquantances
i want to transfer, but i promised my ex. i still love her. ill still do anything for her.
but i dont think ill be able to handle seeing her everyday, and not being able to kiss her or even hold her hand.